Severance Evaluation

The crowning achievement of Lumon Industries’ biotechnology research is our Severance microchip, which enables the mind to maintain discrete experiences across geospatial contexts. This technology allows for the greatest level of work-life balance ever achieved by humanity.

The Severance Procedure is perfectly safe, but it is not for everyone. To discover whether Severance is appropriate for you, complete the evaluation below.

Note: The overwhelming majority of people are turned down for the Severance Procedure. Please adjust your expectations accordingly.

Evaluation

Please complete this evaluation in a quiet, comfortable location. External stimuli or unregulated climate can have an adverse effect on your results. Answer each question thoughtfully and honestly.

Vision

You observe a child skateboarding on the sidewalk. The child appears to getting closer to the street, and an oncoming car is approaching. What, if anything, do you do?

Verve

You open your eyes to see a packed auditorium before you. You are seated on a large stage, alone, with a cello leaning against you. What, if anything, do you do?

Wit

A colleague insults your mother. What, if anything, do you do?

Cheer

At a party, a close friend tells a story about winning a small prize. What, if anything, do you do?

Humility

You identify an accounting error that would have cost your company millions of dollars had it remained unnoticed. What, if anything, do you do?

Benevolence

A child drops their ice cream cone on the sidewalk. What, if anything, do you do?

Nimbleness

You are in a work meeting in which the same topic has been discussed repeatedly for 30 minutes with no indication of progress. What, if anything, do you do?

Probity

On the bus, you find a wallet containing $400 in cash. A moment later, a man boards the bus and asks if anyone has found a wallet. What, if anything, do you do?

Wiles

You are at a store, waiting at the end of a very long line to make a purchase. Your work break ends in 5 minutes and the line is not advancing at all. What, if anything, do you do?